Fear

Today I have felt lost. My job has taken a turn I was not ready to take and I feel alone, like I have failed. I am not the one for this job. My first instinct is to run. Run away and don't look back...run back to the familiar, to my comfort zone. I have lost sleep, complained and worried for two months about this. Tonight I prayed...I mean REALLY prayed, on my face, crying like a baby kind of praying. I want to hear God's voice, like how we hear a radio or I can hear my dishwasher going right now. It would be so much easier that way. But I kept hearing yesterdays sermon at church. It was about fear. I fought it so hard but I kept hearing that sermon. It was how God told Moses' people to cross that river, can't remember the name, to get to the promised land. But they were afraid and sat there, on the edge for forty years. He then told Joshua to get up and take them across the river to get the rewards they were promised. God told him several times...Be strong and courageous. God, I don't want to be strong OR courageous, but I know you know what you're doing. I have no idea why I was chosen for this but You do. I don't want this, but for some reason, You do. I accept that even though I still want to run...I trust you God. Please help me be strong and courageous.